Monday, November 30, 2009
My inner self?
I had been asked this question quite some time back.
Why have you not chosen someone, anyone at all?
I couldn't answer it. I thought i had. But then, I was wrong.
I began to wonder why or how could this happen. However, after a few sticks of Marlboro ice blast and a couple of coronas, everything kind of seemed quite clear to me.
I am gradually losing my ability to express my emotions out and also, my affectionate feelings embedded within me. No desire to hate, but more importantly, no desire to love. It is a rather sad occurrence which I have probably realized a little too late.
When was the last time that I have teared? Why am I laughing at sad scenes that would make most tear? Why can't I even express a simple motion of real affection?
What happened to me within these 2 years really has transformed me into something like a robot. Probably not even human anymore. How the hell can I reverse this form of expression and emotion? How do I return to what I was like 3 years ago? Sure, I still do not get sad or emotional. However, neither have I been truly happy or excited. Being locked up and bound down is seriously sucking every single second of life away from me.
I then realized that probably I am in a harsh predicament. I am becoming heartless. I am changing into another person with a fucking dark identity. I seriously miss the old and fucking cheerful self of mine. I fucking want it back badly. But I just can't change back just like that. Something is holding me back. But I still can't figure what the fuck it is. Whenever I am my cheerful self, something is fucking missing. Something is odd. Something is wrong.
I seriously think I should really find that feeling back within the next 2 years or it could be lost from me forever.
Fate and Destiny
Moving onto something which I feel that is a rather important issue, Fate and Destiny. I have seen several documentaries which made me seriously think about the end of the world and time itself. Why does everything have to end like that? Why can't we continue to live on and find out about the dynamic and limitless possibilities about our own world and even the universe? Why must we be slaves to certain organizations that are too ignorant and arrogant to their cause?
I believe that the answer to those questions above are down to a common answer. Money.
Why on earth do we require money to do the things that we really want? Well, working for our goals and dreams is definitely something that I agree with. However, why are we entrenched into the slavery of the dollar? It is becoming a vicious cycle where all of us are going to be consumed into its spiral and eventually doing whatever it takes to be an owner of huge amounts of it.
I always believe that we should live our lives to the maximum because we will never know what fate has in store for us. Who knows? We may die in the next second due to a sudden heart attack. We may all just perish suddenly under the supposed 2012 prophecy. But I will never ever bow down or give up on fate or even let it affect my destiny. Destiny would always be in our hands. I will always remember that even until the last second of my fucking breath.
Kindest Fucking Regards,
Mark.
Mesmerized within time...
11:29 PM
Monday, November 23, 2009
Ria Ritchie is the reason to why I still think UK chicks are still hotter than US sluts. Period.
Mesmerized within time...
2:49 AM
Living in the past is just like being in a fucking traffic jam. You've gotta fucking MOVE ON!
Mesmerized within time...
2:39 AM
Friday, November 20, 2009
Fuck. I had too much coffee and now I can't sleep. HOW TO WORK TOMORROW!?
Mesmerized within time...
4:13 AM
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Notes for JAN
1) Get my 3rd cross tattoo.
2) APPLY for RMIT
3) APPLY for my lost I/C
4) START to buy clothes for work
5) GET TANNER!
Damn I just have a fetish for stressing myself.
Mesmerized within time...
3:43 PM
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Dear November,
Please be over soon.
Kindest Regards,
Mark.
Mesmerized within time...
12:03 AM
Monday, November 09, 2009
Oysters at Melbourne.
Lobsters at Sydney.
Mishima Beef at Yamaguchi.
O-Toro at Hokkaido.
Monkfish liver at Kyoto.
Bratwurst at Munich.
Beluga Caviar in Iran.
Sea urchin roe in Valencia.
Fish and Chips in Lancashire
Truffle Pizza in Naples.
Fettucini with cream sauce topped with a fried truffle egg in Sicily.
Tacos in Mexico.
Paella in Barcelona.
Mushroom swiss burger in New York.
Tell me something that tastes better than that.
Mesmerized within time...
8:28 PM
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Stars come out.
Laying back on a beautiful saturday sunset along the beach with a corona on hand is absolutely the best form of relaxation one may get.
Mesmerized within time...
11:11 PM
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
These are the places i wanna go to before I die.
1) Barcelona, Spain
2) Milan, Italy
3) Old Trafford, Greater Manchester, England
4) Malibu Beach, California, USA
5) Miami, Florida, USA
6) Easter Island, Chile
7) Phi Phi Islands, Thailand
8) Bali, Indonesia
9) Botswana Salt Flats, Botswana
10) Sao Paolo, Brazil
11) Paris & Burgundy, France
12) Athens, Greece
13) Hong Kong Island, Hong Kong
14) Cairo, Egypt
15) Munich, Germany
16) Holy See, Vatican City
17) Southern Islands, Singapore
Will I get to see all of them before I die? We shall see.
Mesmerized within time...
8:54 PM
