Saturday, June 20, 2009
I'm getting crazy over British rock and adult contemporary now.
FUCK! I am getting old. FUCK!
Mesmerized within time...
12:26 AM
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I need to go on a crash diet. Period.
Mesmerized within time...
11:36 PM
Sunday, June 07, 2009
"There is nothing that really changes, there is nothing that really ends. It's hard to admit, but that is reality. One season ends, and another season begins."
Regrets and Youth
I have been thinking about quite a few things recently. However, there is one thing that I just cannot stop thinking about. That is, the things that I would always and probably regret not doing in my younger days.
Because of the fact that I am older now, I cannot afford to screw things up with any wrong decisions, etc. Looking back, there was so many things that I could have done and reaped the wonderful memories and experiences from it. One, in particular, would probably be my decision to not stay in Tokyo and have my teenage years there. True, I will be separated from my parents and I would be someone other than the current me. I wouldn't have the life I am having now and the success with my working life. But I just can't help but to think, what would happen if I had stayed there.
It is quite ironic that I will say the same thing if I had chosen to stay there and wonder why didn't I just follow my parents and go back to Singapore. However, I do feel that Life itself is contradictory.
To experience the four seasons, a different type of lifestyle, to gain new experiences and knowledge would be the main reasons to my desire to stay there. I have reiterated my point of experiencing the four seasons before I die as one of my goals in life. Truly experiencing the world and life at its fullest. To be honest, I cannot stand lazing around and doing nothing at home or at my current workplace. Life by itself has given us only so much time to experience everything and do anything that we want to do. To be honest, I really want to just give everything up and just tour around the world once I am done and have a feel of what is it like in other countries and in their shoes. How does it feel like in the winter break or summer holidays. How does it feel like to travel to the countryside in Hokkaido and Osaka and live amongst the farmers. The smell of fresh flowers and the forest air in the morning. There are just so many things that one can do in this world. But then again, having such a limited span of life does indeed give us the cognitive thought process of treasuring every single thing around us. Unfortunately, I can't help but wonder, how many of us really do so.
I have always been afraid of death and how it closes the chapters of people's lives. I wonder what would happen to us when we die and what would occur in the afterlife. Many beliefs of reincarnation together with the heavens and hell of the spirit world do boggle our general beliefs, depending on which religion you are in. Even though I want to believe that all of us go through an incarnation process that destroys our memories from our former lives when we are reborn, I however, somehow believe that we live life only once. That would be my basis of one of my life's principles, "life is short, JUST WHACK!"
To be honest, I could never see the point in living if you are not allowed to do what you want and kept in a cage like a bird. Not wanting to do anything and just simply lazing around is also another attribute that I truly loathe. Perhaps some people have forgotten the miracle and the splendor of life itself and how it creates, shapes and moves others with the impact that has been brought from it. Perhaps some people have taken it for granted and could not care less if another is born or dies. I feel that somehow, such people are rather short sighted in a way that they do not realize that when another life is born, it may even change the chapters of your story and create a new you.
One is a 3 letter word. All is also another 3 letter word. but why just merely one cannot do a significant change but all can make or break this world that we are living in? True, there have been some that has constantly strived to change the world for better or for worse individually. However, how much did they really change? An example would be with the Kyoto Protocol that was signed in Japan to deal with the environmental outbreak. All but the United States signed the treaty at that meeting. However, even though the rest managed to keep their carbon emission levels to a low, the world is still suffering from a raging increase in temperatures together with the extinction of fauna and flora species with every passing day.
It is an extremely sad case whenever we are not able to appreciate the beauty of certain species that the world has created for us. To admire and praise others species is something which is not commonly found in the minds of the powerful homo sapiens. To dominate the world as the true supreme specie is a greed instinct bestowed among mankind. However, what is the point of being the kings of the jungle if the jungle is going to be a living hell someday? I just do not see the point.
So then again I go back to my chain of thoughts. What do I want to do with my life? Pray down to destiny and see where it takes me? or grab my own fate with my two hands and live by my own rules. I chose the latter where I desire to taste, feel, smell, hear and witness the world as it spins around. Probably till then, I would die happily. Until then, death is something that I am prepared to fight against with everything that I have got.
Mesmerized within time...
4:53 PM
