"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."

“Bros before hos, man.”

“Everybody lies.”

"I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone that someone is probably the last person you should ask."

"Like I always say, there's no 'I' in team. There's a 'me,' if you jumble it up."

"Lies are like children: they’re hard work, but it’s worth it because the future depends on them."

"No, if you talk to God you're religious. If God talks to you, you're psychotic."

"Thing is, hope’s for sissies."

"People don´t change."

"Never is just reven spelled backwards."

"Well, like the philosopher Jagger once said, 'You can’t always get what you want.'"

"If I was kidding I'd be dressed like you"

"I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am THAT good."

"Slutty party girl is fun until she pukes on her shoes -- then she's just a pain in the ass."

"His wife arranged it as an anniversary present. And if you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome every seven years might actually help a marriage."

"It's not what you think! I know it looks like we're washing dishes, but we're actually having sex."

"Everything sucks. Might as well find something to smile about."