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Tuesday, July 08, 2008

To God,

I've grown to lose all interest in things now... The "Fuck care" mentality is growing strongly inside of my head...
I'm seriously not sure about anything right now.. What direction things should go to.. Probably I have not received any form of motivation for striving on so hard anymore..


The mind is forever unpredictable.. It's as if its playing a mystery game even with myself... I find myself extremely baffled by some of the actions that I do.. Its really as if I lose myself to my sub conscious self and let everything inside just flow.. I've also grown to do everything and anything myself.. Not depending on anyone regardless to help me with it.. Its a trait that I have grown in the past.. It had died down but somehow, the individualistic anti-team player character has come back..


Low Blood Pressure + Low Blood Count + Underweight + so any other factors..
Probably I enjoy making myself suffer.. Somehow..


I've had a series of extremely weird and outrageous dreams which involved EVERY single one of those whom are closer to me..


...and I am destined to be single because of my indecisiveness... But seriously, do I give a Fuck about that? No.... Emotions are making me weaker right now... What's the point of saying yes to that person if I know that it will never last for more than 4 months?


So what the Fuck am I supposed to do now? I am looking up for an answer... But I don't even see a light... I seriously need some motivation before the heart turns cold and even, heartless... I really need a form of answer from someone or something... I somehow know what I want... But how sure am I??

Mark...


- - -


For some reason, I still can't forget that stupid someone... Till now, I am still finding the stupid reason why...


I'm constantly tuning into the lyrics of Corrine May's Same Side Of The Moon... Why? Probably its because I really wanna have that stupid experience again..

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray

I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.

I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space
can't come between me and you

We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon


Mesmerized within time...
12:36 AM