Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Constant late nights at the office has become a norm for me. Probably because I just wanna escape from all that's happening at home? Some things I really can't choose to ignore. However, some things would never change no matter how hard I try. I sincerely would not want to believe in fortune telling. However, every single thing that is said by the fortune teller always comes true. That is a point where one could only choose of either going with it, or against it. I have always tried my best to go against it. A reason may be because of my stubborness to always have absolute control over my own life.
I've cut myself to see how much I could possibly bleed. But i stopped as soon as I saw my mum. The forever fragile, forgiving lady whom I could only tear whenever I see her. Taking so much torture from my dad and neglect from myself. Somehow, it goes down to my brother. The one and only force that could possibly bind this family together. To be honest, I really regret not being able to speak as much to him as I wanted to. Now, with all of this pain, I really do not know how to face him. I seriously do not want him to become like me probably. He has seriously too much potential. To be honest, he could be what I have always wanted to be.
But, I have chosen my work over my family. To be honest, this is a decision which I sincerely regret. Now, if I had a choice, I would choose to turn back the hands of time. I kind of realize now that there are sincerely things that money can't buy. I seriously love and miss my Mother and my Brother.
Work has made me neglect my friends. Made me neglect her. Could I just die now? For now, I just hope that if I die, she would take some time off her schedule to come. To be honest, I really wonder how many people will come to my funeral. Probably none. Sad? Maybe, but its a possibility.
I miss her.
Mesmerized within time...
10:04 PM
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