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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I am gonna share whats purely in my mind now.....

There are countless times where i have chosen not to say certain stuffs. There are certain times when i choose to remain quiet and not react to certain stuffs.

There are always endless words, rumours being spread ard like wildfire... Things that I do just get taken for granted. Its sometimes sad to give in so much, just to get back little. I do know that I have quite a tough life ahead of me as it was prophesized. Not having a complete body is already bad enough. Doing so much to my physical limits for you just to get spat at back is quite a bummer. I always feel like flaring up and do rash things. But as I have said, they are still rash things. My tolerance for pain has always been quite high.

Why?

Because I have already been numbed by all emotions... What has happened since she left has got me to realize that there will always be certain things that we cannot let go of. Since the beginning of this year, the chain of events has led me to have the mentality that love is nothing but a game. I have already lost all emotions for human affection. I really do hate myself for losing all of those emotions.

Things i said that I did not do, i have not done it. Things that I did, I do admit them. The only problem is to whom i reveal it to. A new lady has just entered my life. She is 4 years my senior. Yet, despite how much she will be putting in, I will still feel numb. Numbed by everything.

Sometimes I just wanna kill myself. Let the blood drip. Yet, thinking of what I need to do, has persuaded me otherwise. I have closed up my mind before. Its extremely painful. The art of manipulation is just too disgusting for me to take. Disappointment of you not being able to realise the apparent truth on your side, has brought me to realize, and probably to suspect what the hell you have been thinking and saying all along.

This may be my last entry alive. Probably. if I manage to stay positive and get through this week. If i dun, I would most probably be letting myself bleed to death... Since so many feel that I do not deserve to live. I shall take the shortcut to appease many. Soon... Definitely.... Soon.... People would be happier at least? =]

Mesmerized within time...
12:24 AM