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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Ok... my luck is really going for the worse.. i am SERIOUS LA!!!! i cant joke anymore le la... especially i have lost so many precious stuff... memories... and even 2 people...

Was Junhong's Bday today... Happy 18th Bday!!! but never really joined in the fun.. really sorry!!! was not really in the mood also.... cut my hair today... but the end result was shitty... SIAN!!!!

Sometimes i realize i am a lil fake... as i always hide my emotions within me... not telling others about the real thing... Chilled and destressed for a while today... not really in the mood to do anything now.. dammit!!!! i am really exhausted and tired of everything that has been happening recently that i wanna end everything... even myself... but i know i cant... i really wanna let some of my emotions out but i cant seem to do so... I could only put on a smiling face that does not seem to real at times tho i am smiling and just keep all of my emotions within me... its really sucky... it is...

I suddenly have the feeling of just writing songs and stories again... had some inspirations just now... even thought of the music accompaniment...

Not sure if i could even be myself tmr... but i shall try to have a good chillout session with a very good friend this wed... hopefully she is able to make it.. =D Have quite a lot of things to unlock to her... seriously... the things piling up inside my mind is really making me go nuts....

Sometimes i just wanna sit away and cry my heart out... but my grandma wanted me to put on a smiling face no matter what the reason... never ever let yourself affect other people's mood... that was what she wanted me to do... I shall do it... But sometimes its really painful and excruciating... Especially all that i've been through... i'm scared... i'm really scared of what tmr holds for me... i'm seriously terrified...

Mesmerized within time...
2:21 AM