My inner sanctum.

Monday, May 29, 2006

To express your love for one is indeed a challenging thing to many. This is especially so if you know that your friendship would be affected upon this fateful confession. Yet, many still do take the risk and express their love out to those whom they feel for. I am one of those whom have yet to fully reach out to that stage of confession yet.

A few days ago, i was at the bus on my way home from work, feasting on some mushroom swiss and slurping in a little bit of Sprite, I suddenly pictured images of certain scenarios which would be just so awesome! Certain moments which couples would just die to experience, such as the sunrise in Sydney, is a truly miraculous and impactful moment which is unforgettable following a kiss. The thoughts, followed with the beautiful ride through Bukit timah was indeed a complementing sight to see. I then remembered a time when i was at East coast during a chalet, where everybody went to the beach that morning to feast their eyes on the spectacular view of the sunrise. The feeling was absolutely awesome. With the morning breeze just blowing past your face like the feeling of silk on your skin, and the rays of the sunlight shining onto you, a feeling of you being a newborn was once again, present. But the saddest thing was the lack of something, something special and unique. I had lacked "her". At that point of time, i was not really interested into going into real relationships and mostly went for flings which ended up quite nicely for me. However, at this stage of life, i believe i am getting my retribution where I sincerely find it hard to find a true and stable relationship.

I do remember some people judge me based on my external personality. Yes, i do agree i am extremely loud and too hyper at times, which is a very bad fault of mine. However, what they do not know until they know me that i am actually a person whose true character fades away from that personality. I can be really serious when i need to be, though people still do laugh at that fact, but i still do try and be myself. I have since been less noisy and hyper as compared to before, the reason mainly due to that there is no more orientation camp and that i do not want to attract unwanted attention.

2 nights ago, i had a wierd dream about her. Ironically, i have, as a goodnight message, told people to dream of me. However, i have dreamt of her in this case. People around me say, you dream of who is in your heart, others say that dreams are the opposite of reality. Being a dream, just enjoy it while it lasts, or not. Dreams come true, sometimes. Just accept it as it comes by. Acceptance seems simple to find. But, try as I might, it eludes me in every possible place. Is this how it will be forever till I die? I am a thousand dreams away from waking up. And, when I do they will be forgotten. Even the best ones where I was not alone.

I had actually noticed her since the start of it all, but i somehow remained quiet about the feelings that were going through my head. Another case during that time had strayed me away temporarily from her. But now, the feeling is somehow back, and had become stronger. I sometimes think if it is possible. I sometimes think if it could be real. I sometimes just hope. I sometimes just pray. i believe this is really the person whom i could finally be serious about. i hope everything would work out like it could. I would just wait and pray.......

I'll be waiting for you.....

Mesmerized within time...

10:22 PM